I’m a nerd. Jeremy’s a nerd. My favorite sparring partner is a nerd. There’s a lot of nerds in martial arts, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. I personally suspect that’s because of the following common process:
- Step 1: Nerdy kid gets bullied
- Step 2: Nerdy kid takes martial arts lessons
- Step 3: Nerdy kid stops getting bullied
Of course, nobody tells the nerdy kid that mostly he will stop getting bullied because the confidence from martial arts makes them a less attractive target, and they’ll never get to lay some smack down on the bully…but that’s okay. My point is that martial arts is a great tool to stop in-person bullying.
That’s great. But there’s a new kind of bullying in the world: cyber bullying. It’s better in some ways since nobody’s getting beat up. It’s worse because there’s no respite for the victims. That’s the bad news.
The good news is we can learn and teach a self defense technique, step by step, against cyber bullying.
Whether you’re a teen or tween dealing with it yourself, or a concerned parent, here’s what our training can teach us.
Defense Against a Cyber Bully
Step One: Don’t Feed the Trolls
This is your block in this self-defense technique. Cyber bullies want the attention and response they get from being cruel online. Even if your response is brutally witty, they will revel in the fact you got mad enough to reply at all.
The best defense is simply not to respond, and ask friends and family not to respond. Ignore it completely… but don’t block the bully. That’s because of step two.
Step Two: Record Everything
Even though you won’t visibly reply to the bullying, you want to record everything they do. That’s because you will want proof or what was happening when you move on to the next step.
Think of this like that weight shift you do between a block and that initial counter strike. It’s how you position yourself for an initial counter strike.
This is why you don’t want to block the bully. If you block them you just get that initial bullying attempt on record. If you ignore but don’t block, you get to gather evidence of a pattern or abuse. This will matter moving forward.
Step Three: Tell an Authority
Most self defense techniques include hitting back, and this is no exception…but you don’t do the hitting yourself. You get somebody with power and authority to do the hitting for you.
If it’s bullying from a school acquaintance, go to the school principal or guidance counselor. If it’s a work connection, go to HR. If it’s somebody you have no common point with, contact the police or your ISP.
When you make that contact, bring screenshots and a timeline of the harassment and abuse so you can prove the situation is real. Don’t leave the meeting without a firm commitment from the authority, and a defined next step.
Step Four: Escalate as Needed
Sometimes the first hit doesn’t take an attacker down. In physical self-defense we solve that with a second strike, and a third, and as many more as it talks for us to safely leave the situation.
Sometimes the first authority figure you go to either can’t do anything or won’t do anything to help you solve the cyber bullying. In that situation, don’t leave the meeting until you know the name and contact information of the person who can and will.
Somebody’s job is to help fix that situation. Keep escalating until you find that somebody. Make yourself a bigger hassle than not solving your problem. An excellent defense against a cyber bully.
One Last Thing
This works for online harassment by somebody the victim knows, who you can go after in a meaningful way. Situations where somebody you don’t know is engaged in harassment call for an entirely different response….but that’s a subject for another article.
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