Self-Doubt: Our Fiercest Opponent

Do You Know What You Did Wrong?

I had just lost my first fight. My coach approached me and asked “Do you know what you did wrong?” “Everything,” I answered, hanging my head. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is one of the loves of my life, but also one of my main sources of self-doubt.

Competition mats at IBJJF European Championships
Photo: Valéry Brosseau 2017

My coach looked at me and said, “No. What you did wrong is that you didn’t believe. You didn’t fully commit to your techniques – you didn’t believe that you could execute them successfully.”

That has been the biggest hurdle of my competitive BJJ career. My self-confidence, my belief in myself, my state of mind.

 

He explained to me that the technique was there, the skill was there, I was essentially just missing conviction in my execution. We talked about believing in myself, in what I had learned and practiced for years and about seeing the outcome; visualizing a win. I reflected on this until my next fight. It was not single elimination as it was a small local tournament. I had a chance at redemption.

My name was called again and I was set to fight the same woman. This time I won.

 

The Mental Aspect of the Game

The mental aspect of my BJJ game has always been the most challenging, the one that I have struggled with the most. I learn fairly quickly and I have spent years adapting different teammates’ games to my own as I learned what my body type could do best. I know what I am good at and in the gym, during practice rolls, I can often show my prowess and hold my own.

In competition however, the fire and the self-confidence all fades away. The nerves set in. The self-doubt sets in. Will people think I shouldn’t have this purple belt around my waist? Will people think my skills don’t hold up to that level?

As someone who works in mental health, one might think I would know how to manage my nerves and my anxiety. I do have skills and strategies I can use to mitigate those things, but the self-doubt is sometimes too powerful an opponent. More so than the woman I am fighting on the mats. My mental health background has allowed me to be extremely, sometimes excruciatingly, aware of my mental state when I compete. I can see myself falling into the trap of negative self-talk as well as self-doubt but I am sometimes powerless to stop it.

 

The Personal Journey

BJJ is a sport that rewards or lauds its athletes sparingly. Belts are earned through years of hard work, dedication and often blood, sweat and tears. Competitions are won by besting opponents who have been training just as hard and smart as we have, if not more. It can be unforgiving.

What we have to remember is that BJJ is a very personal journey. We learn alongside a team and have teammates who support us along the way but in the end we decide what we get out of it by deciding what we put into it.

For me, BJJ has been a journey of self-discovery. It has taught me what I am capable of. The tricky part is always believing in that. Always is impossible. We all have moments of doubt. The problem is when doubt becomes the norm.

 

Strategies to Manage Self-Doubt

Self-Soothing: If the self-doubt is creating anxiety or even panic, the first step is to self-soothe. For me, this often means music or talking to a trusted friend. Breathing and grounding exercises can also be very effective. Self-soothing is essentially any activity that will temper our emotional response and bring us back to the present moment.

Positive Self-Talk: In many people, self-talk is most often negative. We are our own worst critic. That’s why it’s crucial to curb this habit and replace negative self-talk with positive statements. We don’t have to jump right to staring in the mirror and saying to ourselves “You’re amazing!” but we do need to replace negative statements we tell ourselves with a positive alternative. The more we do this, the more we rewire our brain to make new connections, more positive ones.

Finding Evidence: When self-doubt sets in and I only see the negative and the worst case scenario, I like to find empirical evidence that supports each side – both the one that tells me I am inadequate and the one that tells me I am good enough and capable. For the negative side, it most often is difficult to find real evidence. What proves that I’m incapable? What proves that I am likely to lose? This is usually a narrative we’ve created for ourselves. For the positive side, there is usually quite a bit more evidence. This could be previous competition wins, comments from my coach, comments from teammates, the fact that I was awarded my belt by someone who is qualified to judge my skills.

 

The Final Word

Believing in ourselves and our techniques is just as important – I would venture to say even more important – than the techniques themselves. We must KNOW that we are going to succeed. We have to give it our all and visualize the end goal.

I still very much struggle with self-doubt. It’s a mental battle every time I compete, and sometimes when I’m simply training too. I’m not sure it’s a battle I will ever win for good; each time I fight I am fighting my opponent and I am fighting my mind. Both are battles worth undertaking.

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About Valéry Brosseau 5 Articles
Valéry Brosseau is a passionate speaker, writer and mental health advocate. She spent years believing that if she tried harder she could be better, different, “normal”. Her lived experience with mental illness has taken her on a journey to combat stigma through mental health awareness. She began volunteering in the mental health field in 2013, hoping to help provide a service she wished she knew existed when she was in her darkest place. Dedicating herself to Distress Centre Durham, she started as a crisis helpline responder and became a mentor, trainer and supervisor. In 2017, DCD awarded her their Volunteer of the Year Award and in 2018, she won Distress and Crisis Ontario’s Spirit of Volunteerism Award. Her involvement with DCD led her to seek out further education and training in mental health. She holds a diploma in Social Service Work from Humber College and has attended Ryerson University and University of Toronto as a psychology student. She has also completed countless certificates, such as the Applied Suicide Interventions Skills Training. Valéry now delivers talks and workshops, raising awareness and equipping people with the tools and language to support others and manage their own mental health. In 2019, she delivered a TEDx talk on the stigma surrounding suicide. She has also written for organizations such as the National Alliance for Mental Illness and the International Bipolar Foundation.

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