Welcome to Positive Psychology
Since you reading Martial Journal, it is a safe assumption that you are very interested in martial arts. Regardless of style, the training is the same: you’re less terrible with more practice. If you’re a white belt, don’t give up because you see a black belt doing awesome things. You also can be there, with lots of mindful practice. The masters understand breaking through 10 boards is no different than breaking 1. Or, the small master of 5’2” weighing 100 pounds with boots on taking down a 6’6”, 200-pound man with ease. They are mindful of their thoughts and just do it. It is an easier-said-than-done state of mind: “I can and I will”. Once doubt is out of your mind, you can accomplish almost anything you put effort in to. Therefore, the majority of martial art training and fighting is psychological.
Positive psychology is a new field of study in psychology. ‘Normal psychology’ is usually about what is wrong with us. Positive psychology is discovering what’s right with us; finding the best and striving to attain it, and being positive of mind in the midst of failure. It isn’t giving a false sense success or confidence with trophies for everyone. Rather, it is the ability to learn from mistakes while not necessarily being upbeat about it. It is okay to be but do not let defeat get in the way of success.
It’s the master saying to the student with a smile, “you made a mistake. Don’t worry. Do it again because I know you can. Get on your feet and do it again!” Failure is the greatest teacher. One of my favorite quotes is by Harvard professor Tal Ben-Sahar, “learn to fail, or fail to learn”. Positive psychology is accepting failures, set-backs, disappointments and shaking it off to learn and mature. It’s having high expectations while knowing there will be failures, and simultaneously having high acceptance of failure.
Learn to see that if one door is closed that another door or window is open. If there isn’t one, perhaps the tools to make a door is there. Perhaps a shovel to dig yourself out. It is having a goal and learning how to accept barriers or walls and finding a way around them, all while not giving up and quitting. With that said, if you decide to quit, make sure it is because you think doing something else is a better use of time, and not because you think you cannot succeed.
The best fighters got beat up – probably a lot by better fighters – as they learned. And as they trained, they got beat up less and less until they were the master. In tai chi chuan’s push hands or wing chun’s chi sau, like in chess, students like to practice with people better than themselves to learn and improve, knowing that they will lose if most times if not every time. And they are happy with that. They see the big picture and strive to grow in skill. This is positive psychology.
Take a Break…
Learn to give yourself a break. Not a break from practicing, but from self-doubt. True self-doubt is the worst thing a person can do on the road to mastery. There is a world of difference between Socrates’ “know that you know nothing” and self-doubt. There is a difference between being exhausted and disappointed, or seeing someone else doing better yet picking yourself up. And a difference between the mental break down and quitting.
Positive psychology is different than confidence. Confidence is knowing or thinking you can do something. Positive psychology is being confident in the midst of failure and picking yourself up and doing it again. It doesn’t matter how you fall, it matters how you get up.
If you do not have a positive vision of success, you will fail. Learn to strive for the best version of you. You don’t have to be ‘happy go lucky’ with fake smiles and roses. It isn’t exactly ‘fake it till you make it’, but it is ‘suck until you succeed’. All the motivational characters in history and fiction all went through trails and tribulations and came out the other end stronger.
What have you heard about positive psychology? Or have you used it in your own training? Leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts!
I recently finished writing my book on virtue. Please go to my Facebook page of Virtues Path and follow for more essays on virtue. Also, please visit my website thevirtuespath.wordpress.com
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