If you’ve been training in the martial arts for more than a little while, you have probably had awkward interactions with other people when they found out about your martial arts “habit.” I’ve been practicing a variety of fighting arts for forty seven years, and I can tell you that I’ve probably had at least one interaction similar to EACH one that you’ve had.
It’s not uncommon in these situations for people, especially adult MALE people, to feel compelled to make some sort of comment reflecting their opinion regarding your martial lifestyle.
These comments usually fall into two categories.
Macho Aggression
The first type of remark is decidedly threatening, and often sounds something like:
“Oh, so you think you’re bad, huh?“
Or:
“So, you think you can kick my ass now?”
Or:
“That shit won’t work on a man with a Glock!“
My inveterately sarcastic streak always tempts me to answer such comments with a smart-ass diatribe.
Like when asked if I “think I can kick your ass,” I’m tempted to reply:
“The fact that I’ve never seen you fight before makes it difficult for me to give you a meaningful answer to that question.”
“I did indeed take up the study of the martial arts at least partly to help improve my chances in a self-defense situation.”
“I’m REALLY pleased with how much I’ve learned, and with the progress that I’ve made as an athlete!”
“So, to answer your question, after several years of training I now feel much better equipped to be able to, so to speak, kick your ass than I was before, but…Oh, I see… You just wanted me to say… no.“
On one occasion I was standing outside the room in a health club where I was teaching. I was playing pinball while also wearing my Rising Phoenix Martial arts Academy T-shirt. A rather macho fellow approached me from behind and then read the shirt out loud In a sneering and belittling tone before asserting:
“That kung fu shit won’t do you any good if I got my 357 magnum!“
Before I go any further let me say that I’m not as proud as I once was of what I did next.
In response I caught the pinball with the left-hand flipper and held it while letting go of the right hand control button in order to turn and face the gentleman. There was a swimming pool at the health club, which, along with an abysmal fashion sense explained the pair of Speedos he was wearing. This also meant that he had nowhere to conceal a firearm. I looked him in the eye and asked:
“Do you have it on you right now?“
His face clouded over. He appeared to ponder a reply, and then turned and left. As I said earlier I’m not proud of my inflammatory remark on that day long ago. But I’ve mellowed since then.
But I tell the story to illustrate just how genuinely tired I had already become at even this early part of my career of macho dudes feeling the need to pass judgment on my martial choices. Why is it that people, specifically MALE people react so strangely when they find out that you practice the martial arts? Well, as I have expressed before, I think much of the quirkiness of human behavior stems from our genetic history as social primates. For such a primate as an individual, WHERE you rank in the group hierarchy is a question of utmost importance! Your access to either more and better food, or less and lower quality food is determined by your status. For males, your degree of access to females for mating was also a direct result of your status. For most animals food and sex are extremely powerful motivators! Considering this genetic heritage it’s no wonder we are such screwed-up, status seeking critters. And what was the single most important criterion determining your status in a group of social primates? Of course, the answer; in fine “Jeopardy” tradition, in the form of a question is: “Who can beat up whom?”
So, I assert that when a human male learns that ANOTHER human male is an avid martial artist, his default reaction is to take this fact as a direct challenge to his own fitness as a male, even though he may express it in exactly those terms. Some men already possess a surplus of toxic, macho attitude, and those are the ones most likely to respond with poorly concealed hostility when they discover that you train in the fighting arts. That brings us to the other type of awkward comment that some people offer upon discovering that you are a martial artist.
The Awkward Compliment
The other category of, shall we say awkward, remarks, seem on their face to be more benign. These comments can take forms like:
“Man, I’m glad I didn’t mess with you!”
Or the title of this piece, and one I’ve been hearing for nearly half a century:
“I’d hate to meet YOU in a dark alley!”
I must admit that I even find these more complimentary comments unsettling in a different way. Maybe I’m reading too much into it; but such statements always left me wondering what the chances were that this individual would have “messed with me” in the first place, or equally disturbing, that he spends a significant fraction of his time wandering through dark alleys. And if you think that MEN have strange experiences when others find out that they are active budoka, just imagine what women experience.
But that must remain a story for another day.
- Never Say Never - October 1, 2019
- Martial Cinema Tropes - June 3, 2019
- The “Training Overseas” Fallacy - March 22, 2019
If you would be so kind, allow me to get the ball rolling on a female, and probably not too common, perspective. As a ‘Pudgy Middle Aged Matron’ ™ I also, believe it or not, get similar remarks. I’m 57, only been training for about 10 years, and I can’t count the number of times people have said “I wouldn’t want to meet YOU in a dark alley”. Or “I better stay on your good side!”. I totally get your perspective and think it’s completely accurate. But as far as I’m concerned… what the heck???? Although I’m sure some of it is just not knowing how to respond to Granny from the Bugs Bunny cartoons doing martial arts…
I’ve heard “Does that mean you can kill someone?”
😬
Good grief! What goes through people’s minds?