Many times, students look at me and think I had an easy road to becoming a Krav Maga expert. Growing up, I won’t deny I was quite physically talented and coordinated.
I was also the smallest kid in my Krav Maga classes. While in my previous hobby of Capoeira, my small size made me a better acrobat, it was a definite downside in Krav Maga.
I’ve previously written about my first tournament, where I was absolutely dominated in my second match by an opponent who was a head taller than me. Despite all my skills, my opponent was so much stronger than me that I saw stars every time he landed a blow, even though I was wearing safety padding.
There is no Hollywood ending to this story like in The Karate Kid. I didn’t use some secret technique and get the trophy. The music didn’t swell in some pop number.
Actually, my opponent hit me so hard that I fell to the ground. I was just grateful I was able to get to my feet, while my opponent won the match.
Was it fair? No. I was clearly at a disadvantage.
Was it realistic? Most definitely.
In Krav Maga, there is no fair fight. Attackers will be bigger and stronger. I was the smallest kid in class. If I wanted to progress, I needed to work with people who scared me and I would fail for a long time before I learned how to succeed. I spent an entire year being slammed into the mat and batted away by bigger opponents. In fact, I learned to bring extra shirts to deal with the nosebleeds.
Yes, I’m now an advanced combat expert, but that actually hasn’t changed reality. Even today with all my skills and years of training, I would still be at a disadvantage if I had to fight a six-three, three-hundred-pound football fullback. I would have much better odds, but I still would be the underdog. If I didn’t get to a weak point quickly, I would be in serious trouble.
Unfortunately, life isn’t fair. While it is true that the effort you put into training will determine the progress you make, that is only true on the individual level. While we can get stronger and fitter, we can’t change our heights and builds. We have to work with what we’ve got, fair or not.
That Can Be A Good Thing
Krav Maga is unique in that there is a wide range of people studying, from athletes to people who have little experience in athletics. Some students will advance a lot faster than others, because of natural talent. This becomes demoralizing for other students who are just not gifted athletically. Some may have even disabilities or injuries which further limit them.
One helpful attitude I have found is to cultivate a taste for courageous failure. As babies, we fail a hundred times at the simplest tasks. Yet, no toddler stops crawling and just gives up. They try again and again, constantly learning and trying and failing and trying again. That is why their learning is exponential from birth to a year old.
As adults, we often find a comfortable rut where we do things we are good at and avoid anything we lack talent in. Martial arts is the perfect place to be brave enough to say “I’m not naturally good at this, but I am going to learn because it stretches my horizons.”
By trying and failing and training again, practitioners gain resiliency for the ups and downs of life. They learn to let go of their ego that worries about what’s fair and what others think of them and learn to ask themselves what really matters.
Instead of being depressed by a submission, they learn to question what mistakes were made and how they can avoid them in the future. They also learn that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you’ll fail, because your opponent has more skills or talent or size. In martial arts, that doesn’t diminish you as a person.
When a student feels ashamed of their progress, it is their pride that is hurting them. They feel they should be better. The only way to set those feelings aside is to achieve true humility. They need to stop caring about achievements, and start just caring about learning.
Also, remember to remind those students that they aren’t training to be UFC fighters. They are training to improve their skills. Often students are unnecessarily hard on themselves and have unrealistic expectations. As long as they are improving at their own rate, they are a success.
I’m grateful I had the courage to fail over and over again. It has led me to so much success when I overcame it and found my path, helping fellow underdogs learn how to fight back when they are under attack. In fact, it is because I struggled that I feel I am effective as a teacher. I can empathize with their frustrations, and I have more patience for struggling students.
Life isn’t fair, but that unfairness can often make us far better, if we use it as a counter-weight instead of an anchor.
Note: I am super excited and honored to announce formally that I’m a columnist for Black Belt Magazine. I’ve been preparing for this for months, interviewing, co-writing, shooting video, editing and now, I’m officially a martial arts journalist.
I was never a very academic student. I slide by on decent grades, but the day I graduated, I was quite happy to never have to write an essay ever again. Now, between Black Belt, Martial Journal and other publications, I can be creating 1-2 or even more articles and new projects every single week.
I admit, when I think of all that writing ahead of me, I sometimes break out in a cold sweat. Writing still isn’t easy for me, even with a very talented and kind co-writer who helps me every step of the way. (I’ll talk more about her in an upcoming article)
Of course, that is how I know I’m on the right path. Writing was another perfect place to be brave enough to say “I’m not naturally good at this, but I am going to learn because it stretches my horizons.” I am not good at this naturally, and that gives me a space to work harder.
Now, I can bring Krav Maga to larger audiences and sharing ideas I’m passionate about. I’m getting to interview some of the greatest in my field and learning so much from them.
I’m excited about all the possibilities.
- Tehran fails to impress on Krav Maga - September 18, 2023
- The Pursuit of Perfection - August 7, 2023
- Grace Under Pressure - March 17, 2023
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