On Father’s Day, I was irritated to see so many martial arts studios and publications post the same meme.
I can take a joke, but I do not like being the butt of jokes. When you consider why this is supposed to be funny, it stops being a joke and starts being an insult.
During my study of Krav Maga (and I hope this is true across all styles and martial arts disciplines), I was taught to have respect for all people. I should learn from those who know more than us, train with our equals to improve each other and teach those who know less. I should respect the inherent dignity of all people, and use my skills only in defense of human life.
We were also taught to be humble. Knowing Krav Maga didn’t make us better than others. It was training to help ourselves walk in peace, safer from dangers, and a commitment to help others whenever possible. We also knew that no matter how good our skills were, there was always someone better. If I can sum up what I learned succinctly, it was to never look down on others, unless we were reaching down to help them up.
That joke looks down on men who don’t do martial arts. My grandfather of blessed memory never studied martial arts formally, but survived the Holocaust and fought in two wars.
That joke looks down on women by saying that being one is an insult. Being compared to a mother shouldn’t be seen as a way to diminish masculinity. Being a mother is one of the toughest jobs possible, and I imagine many men who laugh at the joke wouldn’t laugh if they had to undergo labor pains.
The martial arts world is male-dominated, and women can feel pushed out. I’m aware so many wonderful gyms exist, which are respectful and welcoming to women, but there are still ones with a “bro” culture where women are seen as less capable, weaker, and unworthy. Friends have told me horror stories about predatory teachers who hit on female students, of sexist jokes and gross comments, and of speaking up against it and being gaslit into believing they are being “too sensitive” and have no sense of humor. Without saying it straight out, the message is very clear. Women are not welcome here and should remember their place.
I haven’t found that attitude in my previous school, but I have gotten it outside of class.
Two years ago, just before the pandemic, I was going to the building gym and was in a Krav Maga-themed T-shirt to motivate me to train as hard as I do if I were in class. I believe it was the one that said “Come to the Dark Side, we do Krav Maga 24/7.”
A guy who lived in the building, but had never seen before, walked up to me. He pointed to the shirt and it’s so adorable that I take a synagogue “cutsie” class, (was wearing a Star of David necklace) but I should try the “real stuff.” Although I was likely older than him, he spoke to me as if I was an adorable toddler playing dress-up. He knew nothing about me, besides my gender. He had no idea how much experience I had, or where I trained, but he felt he had all the answers.
“You mean like if I would train 12 hours a week with a former senior IDF Krav Maga instructor?” I asked, with a smirk.
“Yes,” he said, so happy he had been able to enlighten this silly little girl who obviously knew nothing about the real stuff and needed his brilliance to lead me to the light.
“Good to know.” I nodded my head and went off to train for the class that night, which would be led by Raz Chen, former senior IDF Krav Maga instructor for the Kfir battalion and my martial arts mentor. And yes, before Covid-19, 12 hours a week was my normal schedule. But then, I was just a woman so what did I know?
This condescending attitude needs to go. Seriously, I’m not calling any specific publication out. I’m just asking people to remember that our words have power. Children who read that message will see their mothers as being something shameful to be compared to, and that being feminine is a negative trait.
Mothers are powerful. I am in awe of my own. Despite having never stepped foot on the mat, she is the strongest person I know. Even when she drives me up the wall, her courage, strength, kindness, and charm are unmatched.
She is the one who taught me the true meaning of fortitude, more than any instructor. For that, I will always be grateful.
Of course, since I wrote this on Father’s Day, Happy Father’s Day to my dad, who also never had formal training, but is my hero, the emotionally strongest, wisest, and kindest man I know.
Off the mat, Elke is a real estate attorney and blogger, with degrees in urban planning, law, and history. She has worked in both the non-profit and profit sectors, has been awarded numerous fellowships, including serving as the Biodiversity Fellow at the Israeli Ministry of Environmental Protection. She’s proud to serve on the Board of Debate for Peace, which she insists counts as verbal sparring practice.
- Be Willing to Say No - December 13, 2022
- Finding a Real Life Sailor Moon - July 29, 2022
- Happy Mother’s Day Isn’t An Insult - June 28, 2022
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